Yutori – definition:
The art of intentionally
slowing down to simply be,
breathe, listen and appreciate
the rich beauty of
life and nature.
How has your year started?
I’ve had a busy start to mine and yesterday a client said to me that even though he loves his work, he’s already exhausted. Apparently, he is struggling to ‘protect’ those times in his day when he can exercise or do something restful and by the end of each day he feels ‘burnt out’ and then must do it all again the next day. I was presenting to his team last night and another one of them said to me ‘how have we become so addicted to doing doing doing all the time? Why is it so hard to stop?’
It’s so easy to lose touch with ourselves. What we’re feeling. The need for rest. The busyness of the day takes over. And then, not surprisingly, this bubbles up in our sleep. Or we get sick as soon as we stop.
Can you relate to this?
I must confess that I can and that even given the work I’ve been doing for almost thirty years, I still struggle to find rest in my days. My daughter bought me a new Oura ring for Christmas, and it consistently (and irritatingly) continues to tell me that my rest/activity balance is skewed.
And it’s all mental activity. The 50 things I have to do and haven’t done yet, problems to be solved, getting caught up in the seeking and always wanting to be somewhere other than where I am. And, being caught in that tight life stage of the Sandwich Years, worries about the angst-ridden child and aging parent are rich fodder for my uneasy mind.
Talking to friends and clients, I find I’m not alone in this sense of dissatisfaction with where I am right now and feeling I need to achieve something, get something done before I can be peaceful. A sense of just not being at peace in the present moment. This relentless, exhausting search that we all seem to be caught up in. Always trying to get to somewhere else.
None of this is new to me and yes, I’ve read Tolle’s ‘The Power of Now’ and seen him speak at least three times. However, resting in the present moment continues to be my work in progress. I’ve always been a restless human being which is why I suffered for decades with insomnia and probably why I do this work now. In the past, I channelled my restlessness into endurance sport like marathons and triathlons. I can’t and don’t do this anymore. These days, and this year in particular, I am challenging myself to sit (literally) with the fizziness of my perfectionistic mind and feelings of I will not be safe until I’ve done x, y or z. In the process, I am learning a lot about deep restoration.
Red Chair Moments
A few years ago, I gifted myself a beautiful red velvet chair. It’s quite majestic and in fact, I feel positively regal when I sit in it. It has come to be of my best places of deep restoration. The place where I sit and gaze out into my tiny garden, listen to the birds or the sound of rainfall on the conservatory roof. It is the place where I give myself permission to rest deeply – or at least try to. In this chair I meditate, or simply drink my favourite blend of Earl Grey and Darjeeling tea and contemplate. In a good Red Chair Moment, insights land, breathing drops into my belly and my nervous system settles. When they are not so good, I just listen to the clamour of have to do’s, must do’s in my head and if I stick with it, I drop into the emotions – good, bad and ugly.
Rumi, the 13th Century poet and Islamic scholar, describes this in his indescribably beautiful poem The Guest House. Do check it out here.
Being-Doing-Having
Three days ago, I sat in a meeting with four other business owners, and we discussed our strategic plans for 2025. We talked for hours about what we were going to DO – an essential conversation for the year ahead. And then there I was last night talking to this group about ‘leading with extraordinary energy’ and not burning out. What too many of us fail to realise is that, in order to HAVE, we can’t just DO, we have to allow ourselves to BE. It’s an interconnected flow. I learnt about this profound model decades ago when I read Shakti Gawain’s book Creative Visualisation.
Gawain’s being-doing-having triad refers to a concept in personal development that describes three interconnected aspects of human experience: ‘being’ represents your inner state and sense of self, ‘doing’ refers to your actions and activities, and ‘having’ encompasses the external things you possess or experience in life; essentially suggesting that a balanced life requires attention to all three elements, where your inner state influences what you do, which then leads to what you have in life.
Knowledge is NOT Wisdom
I know about rest. I talk about rest all the time. I’ve even done a TEDx about it! Do check it out – only 16 mins long and I’m talking about the business case for resting and the neurophysiology of rest.
The thing is, breaking patterns of a lifetime is hard. Much of our behaviour is driven by deeply buried unconscious and subconscious beliefs, some of which aren’t even ours. They come from our parents, our ancestors, our culture. As a child, I would hear my father pacing up and down at night, unable to sleep. Both of my parents came from poverty and my father tenaciously focused his restlessness into growing a successful engineering company employing over 50 people in its heyday and becoming a Fellow of the Royal College of Engineers. There he was, literally on his deathbed in an ICU having a meeting with his general manager. I am my father’s daughter, and rest does not come easily.
So…for me, this year, rest is a non-negotiable. Meditation and contemplative practice are valuable daily tools that remind me of my subconscious patterns and my need for rest. And more Red Chair Moments. Every day. Even when and especially when I am busy, and my monkey mind tells me I can’t. I hope you join me on this challenge.
Two Gifts for You
I have some gifts for you which I hope will help to set you on a good trajectory for the year.
Firstly, next week my free webinar ‘Creating Optimal Sleep and Energy for 2025’ on 21st January at 1.30pm GM. Sign up below and share please. A replay will be available to those that have signed up after the session but try to attend live if you can. Bring your questions and let’s explore.
Next gift for you – I’m releasing a new meditation next week ‘Start Your Day Right’. In this meditation, I share an incredibly simple and quick practice that I do every morning before I start my day. It sets me up for my day even when I haven’t meditated or made time for those Red Chair Moments.
Do send me your thoughts about any of this. Let’s start a conversation about deep rest. Hell let’s start a Rest Revolution!
With love
Nerina x
